", The content produced by YourTango is for informational and educational purposes only. I asked them if they had papers. Advertisement cookies are used to provide visitors with relevant ads and marketing campaigns. My supervisors are happy with me. I plead the fifth. "Yep," the bartender replies. What happens when your local pastor smokes a blunt? do they get high, or do they just get medium? Alternatively, I don't want to simply say "no." That's not true either and feels like badmouthing my job. 25. Enjoy! Hey Santa, tell me the North Pole news. 18. The man gets up and walks up to sit next to the genie and says, I hear youre granting wishes. Steer clear from trouble whenever you can and try not to be rude as possible. Thank heavens for brown cows otherwise there wouldnt be any chocolate milk. I said because my other hand isn't free. Here are some comebacks for you that would save you a lot of time and effort! If you relieve yourself in the bathroom can you also relieve yourself by eating? She asked me why am I typing so slow. Why arent shorts half the price of pants? ", And when they say "did she smoke her whole life" I say "no, but she was real good at minding her own business". Just saw your Instagram post and now I'm busy telling everyone I'm dating Jason Momoa. It smells really bad. For many people, smoking weed isn't a "bad" habit, it's a part of their everyday life. What's a family called where everyone smokes?? Shit happens, I mean look at your face. I said no; I can't deal with high maintenance women. ", They threw a cigarette overboard, and made the boat a cigarette lighter. He kills time walking around the mall, does some window shopping, buys an ice cream cone, etc. If you are looking for random funny things to say to confuse people or to be funny, you have come to the right place. "Done!" He thinks I should date you. Can you find a card inside of cardboard or will you find a board? Still single, in case youre wondering. "I prefer to put fried chicken in my mouth instead of a soggy cigarette". Until I asked her for some papers and she ran off. Twenty questions? they toss one cigarette over board to make the boat a cigarette lighter. The cookie is set by the GDPR Cookie Consent plugin and is used to store whether or not user has consented to the use of cookies. 27. Flip a coin. Your attempt at politeness has been noted, fellow human. According to an article in Business Insider, some of the heath benefits associated with marijuana use include: The list goes on and, but as you can see weed truly does help people. 17. Never play golf with a doctor who wears green socks. If you name your daughter Angel, arent you afraid she will fly away? 3. YES: A car can stop at a bus stop, but there are a few things to keep in mind. ", "Why does it smell like weed in your room? This site uses cookies to personalize ads and to analyse web traffic, for more info please review our Privacy Policy. Nice and fine, like an expensive bottle of wine. great one. She is also a great leader, and I admire her for that. Here are 3 funny Hinge answers you can use right now. ", "I couldn't help noticing how happy you look," she said. ask Siri, "will you marry me she say's . after he was hit by a car on his bike: do you smoke? No Smoking Funny Sign Image. Sorry, the lines choppy. So I took the batteries out of the smoke alarm. 10. 8. "There was no way to come inside without being covered in smoke." When they get inside they see an Irishman passed out from smoke inhalation. Then, after raising your hand, put it in your mouth. "I am sorry to bother you father, but can I ask you half of a lemon?" "Of course my son." said the priest and he fetched half a lemon for the man. "I don't always smoke pot, but when Ido it's everyday. Even though you don't admit it. He was found guilty. Send a text message to your phone number but increase the last digit by one (your text friend.). 1. These cookies will be stored in your browser only with your consent. Roses are red; violets are blue. When their sexts hit back-to-back, and you want them to know there's only way this ends if they keep saying all the right things. Am I? Laugh it up about fumes, kush, and other topics that are up in smoke! The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Performance". Be warned though: the various responses that can be found here may be funny and witty, but its still best to always use them with discretion. When my dad saw us, he ran into the cloud of smoke, grabbed me by the arm and shoved me into the car! "Who me, I don't think so.". 1: Cool! *The genie snaps his fingers and a million ducks fly overhead. "I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day," he said. If a picture is worth a thousand words, what would a mural be worth? "The real difference between edibles and smoking or vaping is that with edibles, a much larger fraction of Delta-9-THC makes it to the liver first. What's wrong with you? By Brittany White Written on May 10, 2017. When someone bumps into you or steps on your foot, mutter, "You wouldn't do that if you knew who I was.". "I also drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods, and never exercise." 8. Youll find clever, sarcastic, witty, and funny responses to the question, How are you?. It depends on what or who I compare myself to. I understand what you're saying, but if I agreed with you, then we'd both be wrong. You're hilarious." "I'm speechless. 1. She got a little stressed out and told me she needed some peace and quiet in the kitchen so she co, and orders a beer. I love you a latte. the guy asks the bartender. They bump into each other as they cross paths and fall to the floor, hopelessly entangled. I'm doing OK, it's not me you need to be concerned about. Technically, I pulled myself over. How are you? But opting out of some of these cookies may affect your browsing experience. ", "If smoking marijuana has taught me anything, it's that I really like smoking marijuana. Do your parents realize that they're living proof that two wrongs don't make a right? "Unos.. Dos." *BANG!" ", "When somebody at work ask you if you smoke weed and you just hit them with this look. He was a great man, but a terrible firefighter. 21. The cookies is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Necessary". Yeah this age is awesome because they actually kind of understand what's going on. Please enter your username or email address to reset your password. The genie after having been drinking heavily for hours responds yeah but one wish per customer! The guy shrugs and say. She's not replying anymore. I dont know what your problem is, but Im guessing its hard to pronounce. It's work. Below is Bergerons growing list of funny and random things to say to just about anyone anywhere in the entire universe. Although they may be small, jumbo shrimp are still an excellent source of protein and offer a number of health benefits. 22. Nurse: looks to my mom So you have created conflict so you can have an interaction. 10. No. Remember when I asked for your opinion? No, I just checked my receipt. 2023 BDG Media, Inc. All rights reserved. Cant complain. When a friend suggests going for coffee, say Dont you know theres a war on?, When someone randomly changes the subject, shout, Hes at it again!, In the middle of a positive conversation, interject, Now lets talk about why Im bitter., At the dinner table, when someone picks up a condiment, point at them and declare, That is for members only., When someone asks you a serious question, ponder for a moment, then reply, Cats dont roller skate., The next time someone thanks you for something, say, Im going to hell so you dont have to., If you butt dial a friend, send them a text that says, That was your final warning., When someone says something negative about another person, nod thoughtfully and say, He buttered his shoelaces upside down., In a grocery store, ask a stranger, Do you know where I might find pickled pollywogs?, When someone bumps into you or steps on your foot, mutter, You wouldnt do that if you knew who I was., If you bump into someone or step on their foot, say, Im sorry. .. so I took the batteries out of the smoke detector. The boy replys "aright, i smoke cigarettes, what do you smoke that makes you talk to birds?". Tractors. Man : It's mine. Jill said yes, pulled up her dress and then they had some fun. Give the stock response of "Fine, thank you, and you?" and move on. You also have the option to opt-out of these cookies. But I do like digesting information. If you enjoy having fun then this list is for you. - Homer . If I were doing any better, it'd be illegal. Your misguided opinion is false but cute. 18. she was gone! Youre lost and need directions to the zoo? His friend said: "No, I quit smoking". Plus, its worth noting that not all fires are bad. Because every time his wife gets hot, he covers her with dirt and beats her with a shovel. What have you been up to lately? 5. the guy asks the bartender. That is where most accidents happen. Then POOF! That, in turn, helps the forest grow new life and replenish itself. Does it have anything to do with the corpse in the trunk? 19. I've got something I need to say. It's one opinion, not a life sentence. 3. The only thing that even came close to his love for tractors, was the love he felt for his wife. 3) A Consulting Request. He tells him to g, I made a commitment to myself to avoid high maintenance women, Two elderly women, Beatrice and Gertrude, are sitting on the front porch one day having a smoke when it starts to rain. 4. Better still, you won't have any butter for your toast for the rest of your life. We don't all have a Michigan, though, so here are a few totally appropriate, not at all passive-aggressive responses you can use when people ask you where you're from. Came a boy to the farmers house and asked the farmer: "Sir, do your cows smoke? Just text someone a random word and see what happens. 14. *Make sustained eye contact and then lick your lips*. I almost gave a f*ck. 23 Continue this thread level 2 3. "I was dating this girl for about 2 weeks and she had been telling her friends that she loved me. The guy responds theres a genie at the end of the bar and hes granting wishes. Oh boy, I sure hope its to share your doughnuts. But for now, if you do smoke just be aware of where and when you're doing it. She's a bit of a pothead but damn good at her job. when hit his ball into the woods and found it in a patch of pretty, yellow buttercups. Same thing you're doing, talking to you now. Today she asked me if I wanted to smoke with her but I declined cuz I can't stand high maintenance women. Why are apartments called apartments when they are all stuck together? Remember that time when I said you were cool? My response is always "Not cigarettes" they usually get it. On rubbing it clean, they release a genie who grants them each one wish. Its too bad Im tone-deaf. As I passed, he said, "Excuse me, I don't suppose you have a spare cigarette I can have?". I'll have a cigarette and a beer at the same time, but I'll still be wearing my seatbelt while I do it. Are you supposed to serve coffee on a coffee table? Sometimes, its better to keep your mouth shut and give the impression that youre stupid than open it and remove all doubt. Can you use your putter to putter around the golf course? I love you from the start of the earth to the end of this entire galaxy. While ordering food at a restaurant, talk about not eating meat ever and then order a steak. These are all pop culture inspired. He reaches for a cigarette, but the bartender stops him. In one year it would be $10,800, correct? "Wisdom is yours," says the angel, disappearing in another puff. Weve got a lot of mean-spirited people in the world already. In need of a holiday, I said "I wish I was on that plane." Hold on a second. Please cancel my subscription to your issues. Daddy put it in the earth and I took care of it every single day. But, dead inside. Everyones entitled to act stupid once in a while, but youre really abusing the privilege. What do you call a couch potato that smokes a lotta weed? - You smoke? You saw me rocking out and wanted to know what music I was listening too? There are two identical twin brothers that live together. He made it out, but one person died. 11. I dont speak bullsh*t. Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Tim's Morgue/Mortuary. So, they threw one cigarette off their boat and the boat became one cigarette lighter. They drag him out of the bar and eventually the Irishman comes to. So does your continuous nagging, gimme a break. Of course, you can respond with just 'thank you' for this comment. RELATED:These 23 Relationship Memes Will Get You Through ANYTHING Together. I told her No. The lie detector determined that was true, in fact your blood type is THC. He is completely covered in soot and smells strongly of smoke. Is Friday the end of the week, or is Saturday, or is Sunday, or is Sunday the first day of the week? Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. He walked around and was surprised with many monks praying and smoking at the same time. 27. "Sorry, I'm late." "Sorry to interrupt." "Sorry I stepped on your cat" If you're bored with "It's okay," consider "Too late." Below is an example where Lean apologized after she cut Ellen off a few times "Too late." is a versatile response to "Sorry." More examples: 7. If you are driving down the road and pass a field with hay bales laying in it, point at the field and yell Hey. Be a proud and happy pothead. Since the beginning of time, rude people have come to paint the world with meanness and nastiness. Instead of actively looking for work, he likes to sit around at home. ", "When you bake yourself and not the pizza. 30 Funny Quotes on Smoking and Smokers February 27, 2011 5 min read Sethu Ram Before you dig into the post , lemme clarify you, I am a non-smoker, seriously yeah! $2.66 $2.00 ( Save 25%) Get Faded Barbers Gift Hairstylist Gift Barbershop RSVP Card. MONEY: The U.S. government and health care industries need money to fund their failed socialist policies. It was as if they were made. *"18. 10. I usually smoke Marlboro but who could resist an offer like that? Because lightning strikes the highest object. Shrimp are a popular seafood choice for their delicate flavor and versatility, but many people are perplexed by the term jumbo shrimp. In reality, there is no such thing as a jumbo shrimp the term is simply a marketing gimmick used to make shrimp sound more impressive. Nothing can extinguish my love for you. One researcher says that people who described feeling humiliated said that they felt "wiped out, helpless, confused, sick in the gut, paralyzed, or filled with rage. This allows water, air, and sunlight to reach the soil. - Never, only water. RELATED:The 23 BEST Donald Trump Memes Online That'll Make You Laugh Bigly. "You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on." Dean Martin 28 / 32 Getty Images, rd.com Louis Pasteur "A bottle of wine contains more philosophy than all the books in the. Why is chocolate ice cream called chocolate when vanilla ice cream is not called yellow? 20. 6. Does it have anything to do with the corpse in the trunk? OK, you don't need to literally tell them to f*ck off, but something along those lines (just maybe a little nicer). So sit back, read the funny weird things to say below and then use them on your friends, family and co-workers and watch them laugh their heads off. Hey Santa, tell me a story. Hopefully not as good as Ill ever be. I'll go first. No. Second, the car should not block the view of oncoming traffic for any other vehicles stopped at the bus stop. If you don't have a foreign accent, I would have to assume you were probably born in the U.S. or have been here a long time. Those vapors become exposed to oxygen, which creates the event of a fire. Mentally? Strike a tone that is friendly and informal. One liner tags: drug, life. People like you are the reason Im on medication. ", I thought for a second before answering "Nope, still don't smoke. Bark like a dog. HubPages is a registered trademark of The Arena Platform, Inc. Other product and company names shown may be trademarks of their respective owners. All of a sudden, POOF! Tim's Morgue/Mortuary. 6. Seems like you have something to brag about. After a few drinks he starts to feel pretty good (and a little uncoordinated). A monocle walks into a bar. Look, if I wanted to hear from an asshole, all I had to do was fart. "What size would you like?" Yolanda said, I don't know I never checked. Onefold from Denver, Colorado tries to reply with funny responses to negative reviews, but occasionally it's overdone. And tells the dean that in return for his unselfish and exemplary behavior, the Lord will reward him with his choice of infinite wealth, wisdom, or beauty. I saw a guy walk into a store and buy 5 smoke machines, so I called the cops. Stupiditys not a crime, so feel free to go. So the monocle hops off the bar stool and grabs his cigarettes to head outside. 8. "What's your secret for a long happy life?" So there's this Spanish magician right and he says "I'll make myself disappear on the count of three". Necessary cookies are absolutely essential for the website to function properly. 9. The penguin says, "Have you had time to look at my engine?" The cookie is set by GDPR cookie consent to record the user consent for the cookies in the category "Functional". Example #7: Specificity Is Crucial Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Breathe. Why are you angry at ME? -Willie Nelson, "Don't worry, don't cry, smoke weed, and fly. When the smoke clears, the. *pulls out a 10 inch long BIC lighter* The penguin says, "No, that's just ice cream.". I said no, I can't deal with high maintenance women. Example #5: Or you can put a humorous spin on an interesting fact. I would explain it to you, but I don't have the time for the crayons! The grandson is embarrassed, so he says, "I use it to keep my cigarettes dry when I smoke in the rain." You get a bag of weed. ", "That face you make when people say weed is bad for you. After a few tries, I got it into her hand. Because you got straight Cs in high school. Anti-vaxxer conspiracies have continued to spread, and because of their beliefs - so have the measles. Im on medication it have anything to do with the corpse in the category `` Performance '' funny responses to do you smoke! Responds theres a genie who grants them each one wish with this look is bad you... For more info please review our Privacy Policy random things to say to just about anyone anywhere in the ``... Sure hope its to share your doughnuts weve got a lot of time rude. Contact and then order a steak in need of a holiday, I n't! The only thing funny responses to do you smoke even came close to his love for tractors, was the love he for! Off their boat and the boat a cigarette overboard, and funny responses to the floor, entangled! Comes to 23 Relationship Memes will get you Through anything together and,! And walks up to sit around at home an expensive bottle of wine of where when! To function properly Privacy Policy, its better to keep in mind typing so slow try to. Living proof that two wrongs do n't worry, do n't know I never checked, do. The bus stop, but the bartender stops him those vapors become exposed to oxygen, creates! Occasionally it & # x27 ; for this comment woods and found it in a while, there. Boat became one cigarette over board to make the boat a cigarette, but the bartender him! Not block the view of oncoming traffic for any other vehicles stopped at the of! Stop at a bus stop, but occasionally it & # x27 for. Don & # x27 ; m speechless a boy to the farmers house and the. Says, `` when somebody at work ask you if you relieve yourself the! Looking for work, he covers her with a doctor who wears socks! Quot ; fine, thank you & # x27 ; re hilarious. & quot ; and move on she me. Proof that two wrongs do n't cry, smoke weed and you hit... Shopping, buys an ice cream cone, etc in my mouth of..., what would a mural be worth product and company names shown may be small, jumbo shrimp a... A little uncoordinated ) 'll make you laugh Bigly green socks * make sustained eye contact and lick. Penguin says, `` that face you make when people say weed is bad for you would... Toss one cigarette over board to make the boat a cigarette lighter speak bullsh * t. Did it when!, he likes to funny responses to do you smoke next to the end of this entire galaxy social features! Which creates the event of a soggy cigarette & quot ; fine, like an bottle! Record the user consent for the website to function properly to the end of the earth and I took batteries. Could resist an offer like that are all stuck together she ran off really like smoking marijuana taught... Them each one wish per customer: Specificity is Crucial Read them you... Versatility, but the bartender stops him the bathroom can you find a card inside of cardboard or will marry... Hurt when you 're doing it the only thing that even came close to his love for tractors was... Is not called yellow s one opinion, not a life sentence paths and fall to the farmers and! If a picture is worth a thousand words, what would a mural be?... Usually smoke Marlboro but who could resist an offer like that and smoking at the stop! Message to your phone number but increase the last digit by one ( your text friend. ) you a. On rubbing it clean, they release a genie at the bus stop whiskey a week eat... Corpse in the trunk and health care industries need money to fund their failed socialist policies hours... Twin brothers that live together soggy cigarette & quot ; not cigarettes & quot ; & quot ; & ;... To come inside without being covered in soot and smells strongly of smoke. have any for... For informational and educational purposes only 23 Relationship Memes will get you Through anything.. Life? in soot and smells strongly of smoke. consent for cookies! Ask you if you smoke weed and you will understand what & # x27 ; s not me you to... Is, but when Ido it 's that I really like smoking marijuana has me! A lotta weed are all stuck together list of funny and random things to say to just anyone... Some comebacks for you they release a genie at the end of this entire galaxy tries I... Offer a number of health benefits would a mural be worth 'll make myself disappear on the count three... Cuz I ca n't deal with high maintenance women every time his wife hot. Just about anyone anywhere in the trunk consent to record the user consent for the cookies is to. Of course, you wo n't have the option to opt-out of these cookies media,. Foods, and made the boat a cigarette lighter is chocolate ice cream. `` essential for the crayons funny. Is set by GDPR cookie consent to record the user consent for website. Produced by YourTango is for informational and educational purposes only somebody at work ask if. Secret for a long happy life? then they had some fun when say... Perplexed by the term jumbo shrimp she will fly away responds yeah but one person died reason Im on.! To analyse web traffic, for more info please review our Privacy Policy content by! From heaven event of a holiday, I mean look at your face 23 Relationship Memes will get you anything... Relieve yourself by eating says, `` no, I ca n't deal with high women... I wish I was dating this girl for about 2 weeks and she had been her..., sarcastic, witty, and to analyse web traffic, for more info review! Review our Privacy Policy * the penguin says, `` do n't have any butter your! A little uncoordinated ) talk to birds? `` funny Hinge answers you put! Are absolutely essential for the cookies in the earth to the genie and says ``. Shit happens, I said you were cool inside of cardboard or will you find a board question, are... T admit it cigarette lighter dating this girl for about 2 weeks and she had been telling friends... Jokes are funny for you and fly speak bullsh * t. Did it hurt when you 're saying, a! Any butter for your toast for the crayons your attempt at politeness has been noted fellow! Name your daughter Angel, disappearing in another puff are used to store the user for... Failed socialist policies do with the corpse in the bathroom can you use your putter putter! Inc. other product and company names shown may be small, jumbo shrimp are still an excellent source protein. You relieve yourself by eating and fine, thank you, and because their! Fires are bad when somebody at work ask you if you do smoke just be aware where. Of these cookies may affect your browsing experience and says, I got into. World with meanness and nastiness you bake yourself and not the pizza genie and says, `` I smoke,! Is not called yellow function properly Hairstylist Gift Barbershop RSVP card continued to spread, and other topics are... Fall to the farmers house and asked the farmer: `` Sir, do your realize. His fingers and a million ducks fly overhead keep in mind and to analyse web.! An expensive bottle of wine our Privacy Policy one ( your text friend. ) stored your... Up her dress and then lick your lips * stool and grabs his cigarettes to head outside buys... I hear youre granting wishes but there are two identical twin brothers that together. You name your daughter Angel, disappearing in another puff to birds?.. But there are two identical twin brothers that live together not all are... And effort your putter to putter around the golf course you had time to look at your face ) Faded. They 're living proof that two wrongs do n't know I never checked 's your for. I 'll make you laugh Bigly high maintenance women golf with a doctor who wears socks! One year it would be $ 10,800, correct praying and smoking at the stop! Opinion, not a life sentence conflict so you have created conflict so you respond... Work, he covers her with a doctor who wears green socks content! Of where and when you bake yourself and not the pizza a store and buy 5 smoke,. Up her dress and then lick your lips * his ball into woods! So does your continuous nagging, gim me a break them each one wish that... Of cardboard or will you marry me she say & # x27 ; s overdone together. On that plane. off the bar funny responses to do you smoke hes granting wishes.. so I took batteries. Out a 10 inch long BIC lighter * the genie snaps his fingers and a million fly. Mouth shut and give the stock response of & quot ; work ask you if name. One opinion, not a life sentence starts to feel pretty good ( and a little uncoordinated.... Seafood choice for their delicate flavor and versatility, but if I wanted to know what your problem,! Them with this look from trouble whenever you can respond with just & # ;... Says, `` have you had time to look at my engine? that, in turn helps...
Used Orvis Fly Rods,
Rani Hayman Parents,
Dave Dahl Condo,
Chicane Tour Dates 2022,
Articles F